Where I have been - My Thoughts on the Past Few Years

Hello All!

It has been some time since last I blogged; in fact, it has been over two years! I could go on and on about why this is, what I have been up to, where I have been, and provide an overview of the emotional rollercoaster I have been on. That would likely turn into chapters so, instead, I will simply say this: I was busy, I have been tired, but I am still here and thinking about writing again. The topics I will cover are unknown to me, but I do enjoy ‘writing’ (this is technically typing but whatever) as it is a medium often ignored today. Perhaps, journalism is a topic I will discuss given how bad game journalism has become. There are multiple sources from which to draw, that spotlight inaccuracies, gaslighting, and misrepresentation from and of journalists within the game journalism medium; I could easily write multiple blog posts on that topic alone! But I will not do that, at least not right now. In this blog, I want to review a few personal thoughts that have been coursing through my neural pathways over that past year (at least), and what I have done to come to terms with some of the challenges these thoughts have presented me.

Let us start with this: The Alvo World League and the game Alvo itself. For those who do not know, I have invested many years of my time on the development of the game Alvo. No, I am not a 3D artist, coder, or networker. My function and role was and is not on the game building per se, but it was and is within the ‘marketing’ and quality assurance sector. Since 2019, pre Playstation VR launch, I was welcomed into the Alvo world through a friend, now developer, Demolition Sean. I was one of two Alpha testers, the other who goes by the name Erb within the discord. Together, we aided Mardonpol, who was later absorbed by OutsideIn Entertainment, in the shaping of the game that we all enjoy today. I have seen where the game was in regards to its design and focus, its direct influences and the vision of the game’s future. It was in stark contrast to what we have, but through time, effort, and honest discussion, the core fundamentals and mechanics of Alvo were shaped. I am happy to say I was one of a few influencers of that change, so to say I have some investment in the title’s success is a gross understatement. I have seen more of the game and game changes than almost anyone within the community so I can say with a great degree of confidence that the developers are some of the most dedicated in the industry. I will admit that most independent developers are, and despite having what would be coined a ‘skeleton crew,’ OutsideIn Entertainment pushes onward and upward bringing changes to the game either for the sole purpose of need, or in response to community feedback.

Although I am less involved now (reasons not entirely known but a reality I can accept), I have shown my dedication and loyalty to a product that has brought me joy, anger, friendship, and vision through content I have produced on YouTube and the Amateur Hour Commentary website (check both out if you’re interested) as well as the building and perpetuity of the Alvo World League. But my joy for the game has waned and my appreciation for the development process has faltered. This is not to say that I have no hope for the title, but I have realized that my involvement is far less valued and required. Coming to terms with this has been an ongoing battle, one which I still fight today. No, I was not paid for my work nor did I ask for it. Realistically, all I wanted was to be involved for the purpose of learning and growing professionally. I felt excitement in the work and routinely checked discord JUST to see if there was another build to test or features to trial. Things started changing internally: People were brought to the inner circle who presented with questionable suggestions, engaged in dramatized personal conversation, and sought some glory or sense of entitlement as a consequence of their simple presence. A plethora of Beta testers were rallied and rather than having alpha builds, which understandably took precious time away from the development process to produce, new content went right to the Beta testers. Amongst the growing army of testers, a lack of appreciation for the original Alpha testers became ever present. Differing opinions led to personal attacks on character, people without a sense of logic or social awareness brought personal issues up in the channel which was frowned upon and viewed as improper etiquette and discourse. However, despite requests to trim these lot, their presence remained; when a tree falls in a forest, does it make a noise? I and some others felt unheard, as if uprooted only to lay motionless on the bug infested slate that is natures floor. To my dismay, I was pushed aside, disregarded, and abhorred, or so I felt.

I speak on this not to cast shade at the team, the testers or the community. Rather, it was my journey of acceptance that as the game grew and development team shrunk, shortcuts were required and expeditious time frames became commonplace. It no longer felt like a process of love but a process of survival; I believe the game to be in that state. So much content is on the horizon and my goodness, is the content exciting! I have withdrawn myself from being fully invested in the development process and will only chime in when new builds are presented or when a logical perspective is required, no more no less. Instead, I have decided to aid in a different way, one by which was not solely crafted by me, but refined with my direction and experience. The Alvo World League and all associated content was my attempt to provide old players the relevancy they needed to keep playing, and the development team my support through what I knew how to do best.

Speaking of the Alvo World League, I am only but a recipient of something started by a few members within the community itself. During the ‘Test League,’ I was but an onlooker who chose to hold watch parties for events taking place. I knew what potential these watch parties had; that is how Amateur Hour Commentary came about. I suspected that if I could bring some additional joy and excitement to the matches within the league, more eyes would be drawn with curiosity. In fact, most people within the community did not know who I was, what I did, and where I came from. These watch party’s changed that substantially, but I was not surprised by the pleasant receiving of this form of entertainment. Some even asked if this could be continued in the future, to which I replied that I already owned an amateur Esport broadcasting group that had plans to provide pseudo-professional coverage of future events. The only barrier would be interest. It was at the conclusion of the Test League that I took up the mantle of owner and organizer of the league and titled it the Alvo World League. With my experience in the competitive scene, I was able to aid in setting people’s expectations. Despite their disbelief, I stood firm only for those disbelievers to learn I was correct in my presumptions and predictions. I say this not to stroke my ego or look down my nose at others: I say this to point to my experience having value. Confident leadership begets confident participation, and over the past few seasons I feel I have shaped a competition that personifies fairness, equality, and most importantly integrity. Is it perfect? Nothing ever is, but I do believe through the efforts of community input and participation, this league has held true to those core values on which it is held.

Despite my love for running leagues and casting games, the pursuit of success in this niche genre (kind of an insult to the term) of both VR and VR Esports is a financial hill and burden to climb. The optics of success are direly slim, nigh non-existent. Truth is, I have spent thousands of dollars to run three seasons only to be in a multi-thousand-dollar deficit. Reality is, unless I can come across some funding that is not charitable but sponsorable, future seasons may not be in the works. Now you might be asking, “Why is money so important? Does the admittance fee not cover the earnings towards the winners and runner-up’s?” To this I say it is more a personal issue I take with only having a monetary reward. Though it is nice, and to some enough, I believe greater rewards are deserved. For an event/competition to truly be special, we must act and provide it with something special. Trophies, knick-knacks, specially branded items, and more are all desirable and provide that greater sense of validity to one’s accomplishment. Why, even in a small area of sports such as ours, do the winners not deserve the same degree of glory as other sports and Esports? To be taken seriously, one has to take what they do seriously; so I do. I used my existing website to create a HUB for Alvo content from YouTube how-to-play videos, maps with labels, Alvo World League information, and merchandise specifically designed for the league. I have designed and maintained data spreadsheets that are adequate for league players and teams to monitor their team and individual performance – this requires weekly and sometimes daily maintenance. The discord has been arranged to be as user friendly as possible while maintaining a safe competitive space away from fans, yet simultaneously giving them the opportunity to engage their fans/viewers. I have made thumbnails, banners, team cards, promotional content, special videos to highlight victories, and even pushed one of my best friends to make certain things work in production for better viewing pleasure. I have pursued sponsorship deals to little avail and what affiliate links I do have, very little revenue is earned (most revenue earned is of from my spending so I am still at a loss with these sales). And I want to make things clear: Donated money, although immensely appreciated, is not a reliable revenue source from which I can run a league, especially when those donating are part of the community to which they are donating. True sponsorship deals are with well established businesses that have invested interest in what we are doing. Unfortunately, those entities have mostly be absorbed into the VR Master League or VRML, the leading and most prominent VR Esports organization in the business.

So where does that leave Amateur Hour Commentary? With all the dark clouds I just cast over the situation, the truth it this: The organizing and longevity of Amateur Hour Commentary was an accident. It was never intended to exist but somehow it happened. It turned into a hobby and evolved into a passionate pursuit of mine. With such a strong desire to find some validation for its existence, I became too intensely focused on business outcomes. I feared that losing it would mean I lose a lot of who I am. It may be clear in reading this, but I am a person of little faith in myself or the potential of what I do. This stems from deep emotional challenges growing up, and I still battle with them as do many people, including those reading this. My inability to go-with-the-flow on or with things of my own doing leads to intense reactions that linger persistently year after year. WHY did I think it a good idea to then run a league and Esports organization when all it comes with is the fuel that burns the fire that is my inadequacies? I chose this because the joy, the intensity of competition, the pride, the heartache, the camaraderie, the rivalry, the legacy: Everything culminating at once to produce an experience that others routinely come back to experience. I find peace and satisfaction in this, wholeheartedly, knowing that I am a personality with a skillset (somehow) to provide such experiences to a niche genre of overlooked gamers who, without what I am doing, would NEVER (maybe not never) have such an experience. Even if some hold me in disdain, I know there are some who appreciate the effort. It does not smack me across the face with obviousness, but I am seeing it little by little.

After our 5-year anniversary stream, I did my best to highlight every positive I could: Wow was there a lot of positive. It is hard to see that amidst the overwhelming negative sentiment cast our way over the years. Despite its brevity, negativity often casts a large shadow, meaning all the positivity (the light) is hidden underneath. I do not know where Amateur Hour Commentary or Alvo World league will be in the future. What I do know is that as long as I can, I will be here because of the people who encourage me to be. The players, the fans, the developers and non-believers; everyone has played and will play their part. We might have one more season or ten! I accept that it will end, but I will enjoy every minute if I can. Over the years, I have struggled putting all this into words. I pride myself on honesty and transparency (to an extent) so you can trust (or not) that everything I have written (typed) is genuine and from the heart. I have loved and still love every opportunity presented to me. However, I want to be honest about the reality of things. I feel people need to know where my head is at – or perhaps I am selfishly spewing my soul so as to relieve myself of guilt, shame, and despair. If you get nothing else, hear this: Thank you all, developers, friends, players, and communities for providing me this path of experience. I have and will continue to cherish every minute.

Regard,

Wolfe

P.S. The Alvo Challenger League will begin roughly in March 2025 😉